I’m Knitting Again

I would like to extend a heartfelt thank you to every single person who liked, loved, or commented on my recent blog post (either here, on BookFace, or instagram). It means the world to me to have people in my corner, especially after (most of) my lifetime of thinking I was alone. More-so, I’m still in complete awe of those who told me they could relate, or who said I inspired them with my story (including Boyfriend who plugged my blog on his gaming blog and called my post brave). I’m still a pretty humble person who saw my post as nothing more than an honest reflection of myself and my journey in that moment, and a chance to step into something new and exciting.

The next “exciting” thing in my world? I’m knitting again. Sure, I still have a project or three with hard(er) deadlines that need to get-on-then-off needles very quickly, but I was thrilled to pick up sticks and cast on a project the other night, even if it was 220 stitches in a circle. And after the final count to make sure I had the right number, all the stitches lined up in a row for the join without any issue. ???!!!!??!??!?! That never happens to me. Usually I have to triple-check the cast on, and knit a few stitches joined before I can truly tell if I’ve nailed it. It was perfect from the word go and even if 200+ stitches in the round can be a slog, I’m excited to see how far I get just sitting on the couch watching TV with Boyfriend.

Knitters gotta knit
Super secret project!

The key here is being happy, and being happy about wanting to knit (as opposed to forcing myself to for XYZ reasons). To be counting the hours at work until I get home to play with yarn. To imagi-knit and plan projects. To rhyme off the list of things that need to be done and get excited about starting and working on them (like baby things! a Slytherin-themed project!) and actually finishing up long standing WIPs (works in progress). Almost every single cable of my two sets of interchangeables has a project on them … and I need those back, to start more things.

And most important, no matter how silly it might feel, to be happy about sharing space with someone and just being. Last night, as an example, Boyfriend and I sat on the couch – each in our own spots, of course – and did our own thing while watching a new show on Netflix: he was finishing up some blogging of his own, and playing Magic (the Gathering) online, while I finished up the cast-on for a swap project and starting knitting. He probably doesn’t know this, but something like this has been a dream of mine since, well, I started knitting. After being in relationships for so long where I could not live with my significant other, there is something simple and almost romantic about it. It’s not about expectations, or living up to anything. It’s quite literally about sitting next to someone you care about and just being together, while still being individuals doing your own thing. It’s about being with my chosen person and he just gets me. He has no problem sitting with me while I watch murder shows on Netflix, just like I sit next to him while he plays video games. He asks questions about my knitting and he sounds genuinely interested in the yarn, the techniques, understanding exactly what I’m doing and how it will make whatever the final object will be. This is the kind of domestic simplicity I’ve always dreamt of – being with someone who is happy to exist beside you.

So tonight I am delighted to be sitting here, knitting away on this slog, watching stupid reality tv with Boyfriend and feeling at peace with life, even just for this one moment.
~ J

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